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Taking Your Child Out and About - From a Parent’s Perspective

Children on the autism spectrum prefer familiar settings. The routines and rituals of home life that make ASD more manageable can also make parents not want to venture out into the community with their child. Some worry that public places could be too overwhelming, with the overload of sights, sounds and smells. Others may fear the stares and whispers their child’s autistic behaviors can attract. Even the idea of going to a friend’s house can be overwhelming.

Understandably, many parents of children diagnosed with ASD feel isolated and cut off from their community. But, staying home forever is not an option. Both you and your child can benefit from contact with the outside world. With much patience, practice, and the right attitude, you’ll be going places you never thought possible. Here’s how:

Handling Strangers

Physically, your child looks just like all the other kids at the playground. And, the average person really doesn’t know that much about autism. That’s why, when a child with ASD has a major meltdown or “misbehaves,” people can be quick to judge.

As hard as it can be, you may want to ignore others’ reactions and simply go about your business. Or, you could respond to rude comments calmly, and even explain your child’s disability. Some parents hand out cards that say, “My child has autism,” with a brief explanation of what autism is. Sharing can remove feelings of blame, making these outings less stressful. And, each person you educate can help make the world more accepting of autism.

Dealing with Friends

Going out with friends can be hard, especially if all the other children are running around happily while your child insists on spinning the wheels of a truck. Socializing will be much easier if you try not to compare your child to others, but you’re human, and being around typical children can understandably lead to feelings of jealousy or despair. Friends may not relate to your situation, but if you share your true feelings, they’ll be much more understanding.

Pick and choose who you want to surround yourself and your child with. You don’t need to attend every play date and birthday party, especially if the setting is sure to make your child uncomfortable. Nor is it your job to make things better for friends who can’t or won’t understand. Hold on to the people who are supportive, and walk away from friendships that bring you down.

Getting Outside Support

Even though you may feel isolated, you'll find in time that you’re not the only family in your community that has a child with ASD. Spending time with others who know full well what you’re going through can really help you cope with your stress and make life feel less isolated. As you begin your child’s treatment, you’ll have the opportunity to meet other families and become more involved in the special needs community. Local and online support groups are another place to find advice, knowledge and friendship. Take advantage of all these opportunities to connect and interact. Believe it or not, one day other parents will be coming to you for support and advice.

Helping Your Child Cope in Public

The outside world can be unpredictable, but there are some strategies & tips to make it easier

Strategies for Going Out

1. Know your child. If your child doesn’t like crowds, you probably don’t want to take him to the mall the week before Christmas. And, if your child is a picky eater, the new sushi restaurant down the street may have to wait. Before going out, think about the scenarios that could make your child uncomfortable or trigger problem behavior, and initially try to minimize them when going out in the community. For example, run errands at the time of day when stores are least crowded and lines are shortest. Pick kid-friendly restaurants that serve food your child likes. And if your child is older, definitely tell him where you’re going ahead of time so he knows what to expect.
2. Plan ahead. Prioritize errands and keep your to-do list short. Know where you’re going and how long it will take. Anticipate problems and plan for them.
3. Use picture cues or schedules. Help your child know where he is going in advance by taking pictures of the places you frequent. Show your child these pictures before going out and refer to them often on the trip. This way, he will begin to learn to anticipate where he is going.
4. Keep your child busy. Give your child things to do on outings. For example, give older children a “job” like finding items on your grocery list. Bring familiar toys and activities to keep your child busy on the outing (e.g., while eating in the restaurant). Some parents have a special toy that only comes out on outings. This is a great way to keep your child calm and happy when you’re stuck in traffic or waiting in the doctor’s office.
5. Provide praise and encouragement. Try to focus on your child’s positive behaviors. Let her know how great it is that she is being quiet while waiting in line, or how proud you are that she is keeping her hands by her side while out at the mall. Then follow up this praise with a special treat or reward. The more you reward the behavior you want, the more you’ll get it!
6. Practice and be realistic. Going out with a child on the autism spectrum is like building a muscle. The more you work it, the stronger you get. “Practice” outings ahead of time so your child is more prepared. Ease into new situations. Keep the first few visits short and make them close to home. Try to end the outing on a good note and leave before your child starts crying.
7. Don’t give up. The first time you visit a new place, everything may be fine, or it could be a total bust. You won’t know until you try, and the more you get out there, the more confident both you and your child will become. Manage your expectations and be prepared to respond when things don’t go as planned. If one outing is difficult, plan better for the next one. Consult with your qualified professional to identify ways to improve your child’s behavior on outings.